If you want to know whether your house has any worth in this world,Affair With A 20 Year Old Female Student check with the most powerful influencers in the home design game, the House Hunterscommunity.
For over 100 seasons now, House Hunters couples have offered their mostly bad judgement on everything, from the necessity of having a double sink in a bathroom (lame) to the privilege of having an electric stove (wrong). Now that The Simpsonsis a Disney property, and the entire world feels like its up for sale, it's worth wondering -- how much is Homer and Marge's house worth?
Let's have House Huntersdecide.
SEE ALSO: Let's see how Trump's properties stack up next to that dump of a White HouseTo properly asses the property, we'll go room by room, closet by closet, using criteria I've mastered from watching 126 seasons of House Hunters(translation: don't @ me).
It's a tough market out there. Here's how the Simpson's house stacks up.
House Hunterscouples love vast amounts of space, even if that space is logged with watery sewage. The Simpsons house is a fairly expansive suburban property almost entirely free of trees, a real bonus for the environmentally indifferent Hunterscommunity.
Couples on House Huntersroutinely fail to ask important questions about the status of the roof and septic systems, and instead focus their energy on far more useless crap, like shoe closets. The Simpsonshome is dilapidated, but I don't think any of this crowd, who is magically wealthier than me, would be smart enough to notice.
There is only one thing House Huntersclients care about when it comes to kitchens, and that's stainless steel appliances. Most of the Simpsons' appliances appear to have been manufactured in 1968, though they get bonus points for an insane amount of counterspace.
Couples in House Hunterstend to require a three car garage -- including two spaces for their cars and one for the man's "insaaaaane craft beer" setup. The Simpsons' is a roomy two.
Unfinished and plagued with poor plumbing, House Hunters couples still go gaga for oversized basements like the one in the Simpsons' house. It's where their parents come and live when they're too old to be attractive enough to live on a higher floor.
Everyone on House Huntersseems to think that open floor plans are the only kind of floor plans that matter. I tend to agree, but the Simpsons' house has a traditional arched doorway that many know-nothings would identify as "quaint."
House Hunters participants would likely critique the Simpsons' foyer for failing to open to the living room, but would you look at the size of that thing? They've got 15 people in the foyer and people can still breathe. In New York City, that's a five-bedroom apartment.
I've always enjoyed the oversized bathtub in the Simpsons house, and so too would House Hunters clientele. But the lack of a double sink is a painful flaw in the animators design, particularly for the House Hunters-versewho require three sinks per annoying person.
The Simpsons' master bath struggles with the same sink deficit as their other bathroom. Its shockingly contemporary shower which would very likely impress the House Hunterscommunity, however, who loves nothing more than a shiny object.
Would you look at the depth of that closet? House Hunterswives, who love to conform to gendered stereotypes, could store their entire Keds collection in there.
House Huntersfamilies believe that every child should have their own room, and every house should have at least 10 guest rooms. The Simpsons should be proud that have so many completely expendable rooms. Don't forget Maggie has her own room, too.
That bay window would immediately prompt a House Hunterscouple to squeal "Look at that HISTORICAL CHARACTER!" even though this house was clearly built in the Reagan era.
The Simpsons' house, with its very normal-sized backyard, would fail to pass muster in the Hunters-verse, where size matters above all else and nobody ever worries about mowing.
House Hunterscouples typically require master bedrooms the size of small Latin American countries. Homey and Marge's room is relatively spacious, but is missing the critical walk-in closet these whack new money couples always demand.
The Simpsons' den is the spiritual home of their house. Unfortunately, their television is terribly positioned right under a window where light pours in, making it impossible to see the screen on a sunny day. The room further requires a sectional sofa, at least for television-viewing, but its dimensions can in no way support something that large.
I love this room. The Simpsons love this room. Even though the HGTV community -- beset with unrealistic expectations and a Target.com sense of style -- wouldn't judge it fairly, it will always score a 10/10 in our hearts.
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