The Sex Trek The Man Eater (1999) porn parodyMasters golf tournament was rocked on its opening day Thursday when Dustin Johnson -- the world's top-ranked golfer -- was forced to pull out of the competition.
Here's where it gets weird: Johnson injured his back falling down a small staircase in the house he was renting near August National Golf Club. (Don't worry -- Johnson's not mortally wounded or anything. He took some practice swings Thursday before deciding his back was too "tight" to compete.)
SEE ALSO: Why Michael Jordan didn't attend North Carolina's national championship winNow, we don't yet know exactly howor whyJohnson fell down those stairs.
Incidentally, though, we doknow smartphones can be dangerous things. People have died taking selfies, after all. And we've all nearly been bowled over by a pedestrian with their eyes on a screen instead of the sidewalk ahead.
There's no real reason to believe Johnson fell down those stairs because he was looking at his phone. But if wemissed a major event because we fell down some stairs because we were looking at ourphone, here are the most embarrassing reasons why that might have happened.
9. Refreshing Instagram likes.
Hey man, who among us?
8. Self-searching on Twitter.
We've all been there. I mean, no we haven't. Who would even do that? Not me. That's for sure.
7. Deleting Safari browsing history.
I mean, that's just good housekeeping.
6. Being 83 weeks deep in someone's Instagram profile,trying to be slick about it.
This was actually the basis for a Mission Impossibleplot.
5. Going through the camera roll, deleting the bad selfies but keeping the good ones.
You laugh but again, folks: This is just good housekeeping.
4. Transfixed by dank memes.
This wouldn't even be an embarrassing way to get injured, tbh.
3. About to leave someone an actual voicemail.
What are you, dude? Ninety years old?
2. Checking April the pregnant giraffe's live feed.
Jesus Christ, has she seriously not popped that thing out yet?
1. Trying to figure out how to join Mastodon.
All the cool kids are doing it, right?
Anyway, get well soon, Dustin Johnson. The Masters just won't be the same without you.
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