Amazon has established itself as the go-to source for everything from entertainment (books,bataille eroticism movies, and Kindles) to the less-everyday items, i.e. novelty signs, questionably legal consumables, and cat appeasing pheromones. And since this near limitless marketplace is just a mere click away, users have come to rely on reviews from fellow online shoppers to separate the crème from the crap. But inevitably, as must happen to all things on the Internet, Amazon's customer reviews are on occasion hijacked by smartasses.
One of the earliest examples of this phenomenon was the review section for a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk. Since 2006, the otherwise unremarkable gallon of milk has gone on to inspire thousands of largely disassociate reviews, such as this commentary from user Alexander Strommen: "I was in Tuscany recently, and despite my sincerest efforts, was unable to sight any Tuscan Wholes. Given the rarity of this creature, I find it hard to believe that anyone has managed to domesticate them, let alone convince them to give milk." There was also user Clinton H. Weir's warning that "this milk might be TOO good. If you ever get two gallons of the stuff in one room, existence might promptly disappear."
What these reviews lack in helpfulness they make up for in gleeful goofiness. For its part, Amazon hasn't tried to dissuade this phenomenon, as these self-generating memes can actually increase sales. For example, when an unexceptional graphic T-shirt featuring three howling wolves caught the ire of the sarcastic community in 2008, it went on to become one of the top selling pieces of apparel on Amazon that year.
As we get closer to the holiday shopping season, it's refreshing that some of those among us are less concerned about being jolly elves and would rather embody a snarky troll. We can all use the laugh during the stressful holiday season and we hope that these top Amazon product reviews below will make you smirk. Since these are direct quotes, you can naturally assume there's a blanket [sic] throughout the text below.
Art supply sales are up, because protest signs don't make themselvesWill Ferrell's 'Downhill' is a featureByte's already overrun with spam, but it's working on itHold on, there's another 'final' Windows 7 updateYouTube moderators required to sign doc warning of jobThe coronavirus has sent a video game about wiping out humanity to #1Apple Watch will let you earn discounts and other perks by going to certain gymsI'm obsessed with 'The Circle' and its ridiculous voice assistantNorth Carolina votes to replace one antiBarbie's push for diversity includes a new doll with vitiligo and one with no hairCompletely notCoronavirus forces Huawei to postpone developer conferenceIndia is now the second largest smartphone market in the worldWe totally agree with George W. Bush on Trump's inauguration speechA 120Hz smartphone display is nice to have, but do you need it?Someone used a cheese slice as a bookmark, and the library's shaming them on TwitterFacebook swears it's not totally to blame for Jeff Bezos' WhatsApp hack'The Last Thing He Wanted' probably shoulda been a TV show: ReviewThe cost of Avast's Free Antivirus: Companies can spy on your clicksMore details revealed about Uber's latest self Apple introduces new iPhone Giant inflatable T Arctic sea ice is filled with microscopic bits of plastic litter Apple's Tim Cook isn't into the idea of merging iOS and MacOS If we're rebooting anything, let's reboot 'Shop 'til You Drop' 'Smallville' actress tried to get Emma Watson to join alleged sex cult Hold onto your youth, Ikea sells skateboards now Turns out 'Fortnite' dance parties are way more fun than fighting Trying to swear on an iPhone is no different than trying to swear in 'The Good Place' Cats love (and hate) Nintendo Labo Michael ALIVE? 12 thoughts about 'Jane the Virgin' Season 4 finale Watch: 'Jane the Virgin' cast reacts to HUGE Season 4 finale twist So you cleaned out your closet. Now what? How the U.N. Refugee Agency will use big data to find smarter solutions Twitter experiencing outages across the globe An Amazon robot with Alexa could be in homes by 2019 Man, Shania Twain regrets saying she would have voted for Trump Thanks to a chip vulnerability, an exploit jailbreaks Nintendo Switch Target plans to build hundreds of EV chargers at stores across 20 states Facebook really, really wants you to believe you’re not the product it’s selling
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