【Dagmar Bürger】

You can Dagmar Bürgerhate Arnold Schwarzenegger as an actor, a governor, or a "Never Trump" Republican. But you have to like his Instagram -- even if it's just a tiny bit. Even if you can't admit it to yourself.

I know, I know, it's hard to believe that America's Kindergarten cop can actually have a good social media account. Someone with such a consistently mediocre Twitter presence and bland political persona typically doesn't produce good content. Strangely enough, Schwarzenegger does.

Schwarzenegger's Instagram is a weird mix of bland brand promotion, weightlifting, and extremely good and bizarre scenes from everyday life. There's nothing substantial here, just high-quality fluff. And that's what makes it -- contrary to expectations -- kind of good.

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Scroll right on past the Schwarzenegger chilling with Ronald Reagan post. Here's what you can find on Schwarzenegger's Instagram that's worth your precious clicks.

We've got Schwarzenegger biking through the snow like a happy old man. Where are his mittens? I'm concerned.

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Then you've got a Schwarzenegger meets Dolly Parton photo, which, yes. Retro Schwarzenegger > modern Schwarzenegger, any day.

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I stan, you stan, we all stan for (what appears to be) a long-haired Yorkie photo. Dog germs are good germs. Don't you dare get weird about "dog kisses."

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An anti-gerrymandering meme? This is the kind of middle-of-the-road content I'm here for.

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Then there are photos you can't decide whether you hate or love, but that you've chosen to love because it's easier on your brain.

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It's satisfying to find at least one Republican who believes that climate change is both real and a danger to Earth.

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Then there are the 'grams that straddle the line between narcissistic and deeply pleasing, like this Schwarzenegger-on-Schwarzenegger piece.

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I loathe the fact that Schwarzenegger often rides a bike without a helmet. But I do appreciate that the photo features him, a very large man, on a very small bike.

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Lift up your seat, Arnold.

I'm strangely not disturbed by the lack of socks in this biking video.

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When Schwarzenegger wears socks, he wears them poorly and proudly. Bless him for refusing to fold them down.

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Again, I'm a sucker for the large man, little bike/little doggie genre. Especially when that doggie comes with a dumb bow.

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Regardless of where you stand on the political spectrum, you have to appreciate a public figure who takes screenshots of tweets featuring FiveThirtyEight podcasts. It's so profoundly dry it's actually charming.

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I have to respect a man who's not afraid to go into public wearing a coat like this. I know this is a post nominally about the environment, but I don't care. I'm here for the coat. This is the ultimate Burlington Coat Factory coat, and I love it.

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I also have to applaud a man who wears suspenders like this, then posts a photo of himself wearing them. Here, here.

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Congratulations to whoever created this Photoshop masterpiece.

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But let's be real. I know why you're all here. It's to watch this incredible TikTok of Arnold Schwarzenegger riding a bike and following a tiny horse, which he has since reposted to Instagram.

Does content does get better than this? It does not, my friends. This is peak content. It is profoundly dumb. It is, at its core, useless. This is absurdism and nihilism wrapped up in one viral video burrito.

I love this shit. I am grateful to Schwarzenegger for creating and reposting this viral masterpiece.

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Whatever you think of Schwarzenegger and his politics, you have to respect the beautiful emptiness at the heart of his Instagram account. This, more than anything else, is what the internet is good for.

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